You come into the kitchen to find dirty dishes piled everywhere. You thought you turned off the lights when you went to bed, but, when you wake up, they’re all still on. You try to dispute your alarmingly high electric bill by claiming that it’s your ghost’s fault, but you had this problem at your last place, and there’s no way it was haunted, too—right?
Self-Involved Hollywood Ghost
Whenever you leave your laptop out, your browser somehow ends up back on that same Rotten Tomatoes page. Communicate that you care by respecting your ghost’s extensive body of work and, just to be safe, play your ghost’s greatest films on repeat.
The Ghost of Your Ex
You went through a breakup in your kitchen months ago, and now, whenever you make breakfast, the stove mysteriously turns on. This definitely doesn’t mean that you left it on the night before, when you were drunk and tried to cook eggs. No, the ghost of Brian is haunting you for eternity.
Down-to-(Haunt)-Earth Stoner Ghost
If Tame Impala songs spontaneously start playing through your speakers, don’t panic. Put away the sage you bought to banish the ghost and try getting high with it instead. Transcend the ghost’s plane of existence, or just have some deep conversations about why fingers, like, even exist.
Every time you walk into the bathroom, there is writing on the mirror telling you to floss more. Braces are wildly expensive, and this ghost wants you to remember that, every single day.
The Ghost of Amelia Earhart
The channels on your transistor radio are always going haywire, and you didn’t even know that you had a transistor radio. It is unclear if you can still get NPR.
The Ghost of Christmas Past
Before you head out to your work Christmas party, the Ghost of Christmas Past will swing by and remind you not to get as drunk as you did last time, by showing you, in excruciating detail, how drunk you got last time. You will stay away from the punch bowl at all costs.
The Ghost of Your Math Teacher, Mrs. Shapiro
Each morning, you wake up in a cold sweat, having dreamed of a pop algebra quiz that you knew you’d fail. Luckily, Mrs. S. visits only once a year, when she knows you’ve been avoiding filing your taxes.
He is the best beer-pong partner you will ever have, and the worst wingman.
The Ghost of Your Former Self
You can never escape yourself.